Gender Equity in the Family
Men are the root of all issue in gender inequality. I jest! That’s an oversimplification of a stereotypical feminist view point. Men are not the issue. Society is the issue. Gender inequality is rooted in family life: how children are raised, and the role they see in their parents or guardians. It is critical to “unlearn” so that we may provide the most egalitarian society possible for our children, grandchildren, and beyond.
Gender Equity Among Parents: Mental Labor
In the current social climate American families are pushed to do more, have more, and be more. There has been a social swing toward gender equality, and as a result more families are dual earners. Something called the mental labor has significantly increased its reference in gender studies. “Mental labor is conceptualized as the planning, organization, coordination, and management of everyday tasks and duties, and it reflects parent’s concerns about their ability to get through the day in an efficient and timely manner.” It is another facet of work in the family and women seem to bare the majority of responsibility. Even with more father’s intentionally participating, mental labor is still considered primarily a mother’s responsibility. If we live in a society that is changing for good, then why does the mental planning typically fall to the mothers, you ask? Women are more likely to be criticized for the well being of their children and how their family is run. Additionally, mothers may be less successful at work because the the time they spend worrying about their children and family responsibilities tends to have a greater emotional toll on mother’s than men (Offer 2014).
Children see the model being laid out in front of them. If their mother’s are unsuccessfully attempting to be the mother our culture has dictated they should be, and a career woman, and able to keep themselves healthy and emotionally present — Well, why would any child want to emulate that? This labor is subtle and often not easily expressed or even understood by those who participate.
It is imperative that the dynamic is changed so our children see more success in this do-it-all mother. So they know that men and women can share the load, as well as the benefit, equally. And so they are encouraged to attempt to emulate it in their own lives. So they — as mothers — can successfully do-it-all. We need to change the narrative, or nothing will improve.
Involved Fatherhood
Men are more likely to feel responsible for being the breadwinner thus leading most men to feel paid work should take priority over family care (Offer 2014). In a study done on Child of Our Time (a compelling 20 year documentary following 25 children) it is discovered that boys are made to feel that being rich is the most important aspect of personality development. (“Divide of the Sexes” 2008).
Despite the societal pressure of having this masculine identity, there is still a shift toward more men wanting to be much more “hands-on” in the lives of their children and over all involvement of their family, adding along with being a provider to the criteria of being what they consider a good father. Despite the recent trend, workplace culture and policy is not appropriate to support father’s wish to be more involved in family life because “the ideal worker” does not allow personal life to intrude on work (Offer 2014). It is no secret that a more involved father is of great benefit to the child, the mother, the family, and the father. Why must the argument still be made that there should be more paternal support in the work place?
Parental Emotional Expression and Modeling Behavior
Societal norms pressure children to fall into gendered reactions and forms of emotion. “Men should not cry,” is a common opinion. It is important for parents, especially fathers, to express emotion in front of their children, especially boys, because it is serving as an antithesis to this thought process (“Divide of the Sexes” 2008).
Emotional expressivity is linked to selective parental attentiveness. Parents tend to pay more attention to the attitudes and emotions that fall into the relative norm for the expected gender role. Sadness and anxiety for girls, anger and disharmonious feelings for boys. (Chaplin, Cole, and Zahn-Waxler 2005).
Leaning into these stereotypes of girls being demure and weak versus boys being strong and aggressive lead to reinforcing the glass ceilings women have to shatter as they grow and become students, working professionals, mothers, and functional members of society. It demonstrates to little girls that they should not be strong and go after what they want. It demonstrates to little boys that girls have no place in contending with them. Subtle yet serious micro-aggressions that are thinly veiled in the emotional structure of our culture.
Gender inequality can be directly linked to one’s own upbringing. Traditional gender roles we see serve to seal such ideas in a thick and unbreakable slab of mental concrete. Gender inequality silently lurks in family life. Gender inequality is alive from the moment we are assigned a sex, and it is up to us to separate sex from expectation. Gender inequality is alive and well despite significant effort and acknowledgement. Gender inequality must be “unlearned” starting with the family.
Works Cited
Chaplin, T.M.; Cole, P.M.; Zahn-Waxler, C. (2005). “Parental Socialization of Emotion Expression: Gender Differences and Relations to Child Adjustment.” American Psychological Association, 51, 80–88.
“Divide of the Sexes.” Child of Our Time. Produced and directed by Ruth Whippman, BBC Worldwide Learning. 2008.
Offer, Shira. “The Costs of Thinking About Work and Family: Mental Labor, Work-Family Spillover and Gender Inequality Among Parents in Dual-Earner Families.” Sociological Forum, Vol. 29, №4. 2014, pp. 916–936
